Why self-kindness is good for you and your whole family

Ahh, January…

That magical time of year when we vow to reinvent ourselves: start doing yoga, write a bestselling novel, take up piano lessons, sign up for a marathon.

But a few weeks in, the demands of family life take over, the kids take priority and all our shiny new goals go out the window, leaving us feeling like more of a failure than before we started.

So instead of trying to shoehorn a bunch of unrealistic new activities and habits into my already overloaded schedule, this year I vowed to just be kinder… to myself!

That means…

My health, both mental and physical.
My wellbeing.
The expectations I put upon myself as a mum.

JUST. BE. KIND.

Because the truth is, constantly sacrificing yourself for the benefit of others is actually completely counterproductive.

When you’re run down, unhealthy, stressed out and overwhelmed, you are never going to be the best mum you can be.

Being kinder to yourself is not just beneficial for you, it improves life for the whole family.

A happier, healthier, less-stressed mum is a better mum after all.

If you feel like you need to be kinder to yourself this year, here are my top tips for getting started:

1. Mental Health: No, You Don’t Have to Do It All

Mums are the CEOs of chaos.

From remembering dentist appointments to knowing which sippy cup is the only acceptable one this week, our mental load is enough to rival any Fortune 500 executive.

But guess what? You don’t have to do it all.

In fact, I highly recommend embracing the beauty of letting things slide.

Did you forget to send the form for school picture day? Take a picture in their school uniform at home, it’ll be fine.

Burned the dinner? Order a pizza and put your feet up.

Feeling overwhelmed? Give yourself permission to say “no” (and delegate if you can!)

And if you find yourself spiralling into the “mum guilt” abyss, here’s your mantra:

“THEY’RE FINE”

Because honestly, they really are.

2. Physical Health: Self-Care Is Not Selfish

When we see exercise as simply a way to fit back into the pre-baby jeans, it’s easy to see it as something selfish or vain.

And when everyone else in your house seems to need something 24/7 it’s easy to put those “selfish” pursuits to the bottom of the priority pile and sacrifice your own goals to look after them.

But looking after your physical health is actually one of the LEAST selfish things we can do as mums.

Why?

Because it help us to live longer, meaning we’re more likely to be around to support our kids as they grow up.
It makes us stronger, meaning we can pick them up for longer cuddles and carry all their crap around the park.
It helps us to move without pain, meaning we’re more able to get up and down off the floor 3 billion times a day.
It helps us feel more energised, making us much more open to a bit of (dreaded) play pretend!

But incorporating exercise into your life doesn’t have to mean hitting the gym 7 times a week (who’s got time for that?!)

Start with small, simple habits:

Do some stretches or squats while the kettle boils
Have a glass of water before every cup of tea or coffee
Walk the kids to school and do a power walk home (time yourself and try to do it a bit faster each day)
Dance to a few Danny Go videos with the kids.

The more active you are, the more energetic you will feel and subsequently the more active you will become. Gradually you will start to build up the energy and enthusiasm to do more and more.

3. Wellbeing: Stop Trying To “Make Time” For Wellbeing. Make It A Part of Your Existing Routine

Have you ever heard the phrase “It’s not about having time, it’s about making time”…

…and wanted to karate chop the author who wrote that in the throat?

Before I had kids, this totally rang true. I would often work way too long instead of going to the gym, or choose to watch another episode of Breaking Bad instead of going to bed early and reading.

But now I’m a mum, time is a rare commodity.

Instead of working too long, I’m rushing to cram in all the tasks I have to complete before school pick-up.

Instead of watching too much TV, I’m grabbing a couple of precious hours in between finally getting the kids to sleep and passing out on the sofa, exhausted.

So instead of trying to make time, find ways to fit wellbeing exercises into your current schedule.

Listen to a personal development audiobook while doing the laundry or walking home from the school run. BookBeat is brilliant and they offer a 45 day free trial.
Listen to mindfulness meditations while sitting in the dark in your kid’s bedroom. I like Insight Timer and Headspace.
Instead of scrolling on your phone in the car while waiting for your kid’s club to finish, go for a walk around the block.

4. Expectations: Lower Them Like a Limbo Stick

Here’s a fun game: write down all the expectations you have of yourself as a mum.

Now, look at that list and cross out half of it.

Then cross out a few more.

Congratulations! You’ve just entered the realm of realistic expectations.

One of the best moves I ever made as a parent was to stop trying to meet the expectations of Pinterest and focus instead on the expectations of my kids, because, believe or not, it’s way easier.

It turns out they couldn’t give a crap if their lunch is shaped like a cartoon character.

They’re much happier with a ham sandwich and some cherry tomatoes, followed by 30 minutes of me lying on the floor while they dive bomb me from the sofa.

Remarkably, they didn’t give a jot if their Christmas gifts came tied with a hessian ribbon, twirled round a cinnamon stick.

They happily tore off the 3 year old xmas paper stuck with duct tape (because I ran out of Scotch - yes really) without a second glance, and just wanted me to play with their new toys and games with them.

What kids remember is the hugs, the laughs, the tickles and that one time you accidentally said a bad word in traffic.

So give yourself permission to do “good enough” because “good enough” is more than enough to your kids.

So here’s to a kinder, gentler 2025.

To putting yourself first sometimes (yes, even before the laundry).

To saying “no” to unrealistic expectations and “yes” to the things that bring you joy.

Because the better you feel, the better mum you’ll be - and that’s a resolution worth keeping.

New Year New Nothing! Just Be Kind… To Yourself